![]() Starbucks has already amused itself by training us to say “tall,” when we mean “small” - tall being the littlest cup of coffee you can get without whittling yourself a mug on the spot. (Do not go look these up! Or at least, do not click on “images.”) You see, here’s a company that already asks us to fork over all our cash previously reserved for necessities like medicine and HBO just to drink some scorched caffeine in a pseudo-chatty place where everyone is actually on their phone, staring at their laptops, and hogging the seat across from them.Īnd now, for us not to sound like idiots there - “I’d like a coffee regular, please” - we have to study gradations between coffee drinks more subtle than the ones between flatworms and tapeworms. (Or was it a caffè latte?) What I mean is: I’m drinking grain alcohol mixed with Yoo-hoo. Which perhaps explains why the ad is driving me to drink something stronger than a latte macchiato. Never mind that the pictures of these two ostensibly polar opposite drinks look about as dissimilar as those “Spot the difference!” puzzles you do while waiting for a Greyhound Bus. ![]() While, “Flat White,” which is - as you’ll immediately recall - sweet ristretto espresso finished with blah blah blah is “rich & velvety.” (Didn’t Ristretto start out by making a boy out of wood? Or am I confused?)Īnyway, after all this, the ad explained as if to a dim bulb: “Latte Macchiato: Foamed milk marked with espresso makes it intensely bold.” Okay. As for the Starbucks chart, I didn’t even give you all the concoctions on the list to prevent your head from exploding like an overheated doppio ristretto machine. Got that? Okay, quick: Which drink dumps a shot of espresso into a cup of foamed barium?Īh, just yankin’ your chain. Latte Macchiato: “Foamed whole milk marked with shots of espresso.”įlat White: “Sweet ristretto espresso shots finished with whole steamed milk.”Ĭappuccino: “A shot of espresso topped with a deep layer of foamed milk”Īnd, but of course: Caffè Latte - “A shot of espresso in steamed milk lightly topped with foam.” Using a chart only slightly less complex than the Periodic Table of the Elements (for instance, it did not list barium or neptunium), it showed a sort of timeline of coffee concoctions, starting with:ĭoppio: “Two shots of espresso. Starbucks recently took out a two-page, fold-out, super-slick ad in the New Yorker to educate us benighted, Folgers-swilling plebes on “The Art of Espresso and Milk.”
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |